I didn't mean to, but it wasn't my fault.

I didn't mean to fall in love with you. I couldn't help it.
I didn't mean to cause myself so much pain. It was out of my control.
I knew I would end up feeling this way, but I didn't stop it.

I didn't think about the 'what' and the 'where'. I just wanted to see you.
I didn't think about the consequences to my already broken heart, but I know now that I should have.
I didn't want to think about the consequences, but next time I will.

I hate what's happening, that I'm falling for you.
I hate how it can only end one way: Heartache.
I hate how in the time to come, we'll part ways, and chances are I'll never see you again.

But I'll never forget.

I'll try not to cry because it's over, but to smile because it happened.

But I'll never forget.

Meeting you was chance, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was out of my control.

I wish I could tell you, but I can't. It would be wrong of me, given the current..... situation, per say.

I didn't mean to fall in love with you, but it wasn't my fault.  I'm so sorry......

Things I love...... Things I hate....... And you.

Things I love.
           I love you. Everything about you. Your smile. Your hair. The way you’re a little not right in the head =] ♥ I love the way your cologne smells. Like Earth =] You smell like Earth and I love that. I love how you know the right thing to say, and when to say nothing at all. I love the way you listen when I have something to tell you. I love how you so willingly do anything I ask, just to make me happy. I love how you listen to music with me, and sing the words if you know them. I love how you’re so much taller than me, I like the way it feels to be short =] I love your voice. Deep but soulful in a way. I love your sense of humor. I love how you can always see some bright point in the dark of the world.

Things I hate.
           I hate how we’re so far apart. I hate how I can’t see you when I want. I hate how I’m no longer just down the street from you. I hate how we can only talk on the phone. I hate how we can’t really be a real couple. I hate that I can’t call you at night, knowing you’re busy during the day, and you’re midnight is my 3 a.m. I hate how whenever I look at my beautiful ring, my heart aches for you, and I feel like crying.

But in the end the good outweighs the bad, and I love how it’s not about you or me, but it’s about US. And I’ll always love YOU.

You think I'm afraid of you? I'm not. You annoy me.

First and foremost:

           Calling me a bitch in the middle of class isn’t going to solve one damn thing. It’s not going to fix your petty preppy problems, it’s going to create MORE. With me and my friends.

Calling me a bitch doesn’t make me ‘fear’ you. It puts me in a pissy mood and it brings me that much closer to punching you in the face. Don’t call me out on it, because I WILLLL. Just because I’ve been playing this nice girl card since the first grade doesn’t mean it’s REAL. Because it’s NOT. I am who I am and the real me isn’t afraid to snap a bone.

           Calling me a bitch isn’t going to make you a nice person. It just makes you the bigger BITCH. Honestly. Damn. It really pisses me off when people call me a bitch because I refuse to be their slave and bow to their every command.

And when you call me out on it when I rant on Facebook, you don’t scare me then either, seeing how you’re two feet shorter than me. You say you KNOW me???? Hell no. You haven’t known me in 4 years. I have seen hell. It changes you. You become a stronger more independent person and you fear nothing. Especially hollow threats from classmates. Yeah, you have friends in high school who’d beat me up. I have friends in California who’d gladly do the same. I am not afraid. You say they’re your friends, but are they really? Are you sure you know THEM how you claim to know ME? How do you know that they’re not going to betray you when they feel they don’t need you anymore? Oh THAT’S right. You DON’T.

           Calling me a bitch doesn’t mean I live a bad life. I have amazing friends amd family. It just means you don’t know me, and it tells me that I don’t want to know someone like YOU. It just tells me that you think you’re better than I am. ………. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! To that crap. Just because mommy and daddy buy you everything you want doesn’t mean you’re better than me. It means I’m not some spoiled rotten BRAT who treats people like shit.

So THERE. Calling me a bitch doesn’t make me afraid of you. It annoys me.

YOU........... Forever.

YOU....... are my friend.

YOU....... mean more to me than you could EVER know. OK?

YOU....... are so amazingly perfect to me.

YOU....... are incredibly weird, but I love you anyways.

I……....... am incredibly lucky to have a person like you in my life.

Sure, the circumstances aren’t ideal, but I cherish the time we have together. Second, Minute, Hour, Passing glance. I love your randomness. I love your eyes. Your laugh. Your hair. Everything. Sure, you can be annoying as HELL, but we work it out. That’s what friends do.

You tolerate me the best you can, and that’s how I know you care ;) I know I’m not perfect, and I’ll never try to be. I can only be me, and I’m okay with that because I know you’ll still love me.
So, from now on, I’ll try harder to tell my friends I love them more often. I’ll try harder to apologize when we have our own little mini-fights. I’ll try harder to do anything I can to make my friends happier with who they are and how they live their life. I’ll try harder to be more supportive of everything they do.

These are my promises. ^^

You are my friends, and every single one of your flaws makes you that much more perfect in my eyes. It reminds me that you’re still semi-human. ;) (Love you!)

I want you to know, my friends, that you can come to me with ANY problem. No matter how big or small, I’ll do my best to fix it. I’ll be the one to lend an ear to hear your voice, lend a shoulder to cry on if need be. But I’ll always always ALWAYS listen and never tease or tell anybody you don’t want me to. If you want it to stay between us, then it does.

You are always in my heart, always in my mind, and forever a part of my life.

YOU are my friend.

YOU mean more to me than you could EVER know. OK?

YOU are so amazingly perfect to me.

YOU are incredibly weird, but I love you anyways.

I……. am incredibly lucky to have a person like you in my life.

For Always ;)

...........Got Cold?

It's so cold in Indiana right now. People's cars are going off the road and it's just one big "hot" mess. People are losing power, but we haven't yet. (And hopefully won't.) People are calling it the "Snowpocalypse of 2011" =]  People can be funny that way =]  Except clowns. They're more creepy than funny.

but yeah, Hell has officially frozen over and Indy's right above it.

The Truth of Society

In today’s world, society is WAYYYYY to focused on looks. “Am I pretty enough?” “ Is my hair just right?” “Am I wearing enough makeup?”

These thing’s don’t MATTER. It’s who you are on the INSIDE that counts. You ARE who you ARE and that’s all you’ll ever BE. If you treat people with kindness and respect, they will see you as beautiful, I promise.

It appalls me that if you type in ‘beautiful’ in Google images, you see woman seemingly flawless with half a shirt or no clothes at all. Society makes women feel that if this isn’t what they become, then they’re not good enough.
THAT IS NOT TRUE!

You are beautiful by being YOU. Showing who you really are and taking off the mask that you put on for others to see.

A girl is beautiful when she does what makes her happy. Screaming along with her music at the top of her lungs makes her beautiful if that’s what makes her happy. (Mine is Aerosmith. =] )

What I’m saying is that you don’t need to change one little bit to be beautiful, you need to be yourself and accept who you are. Because once you do, you will REALIZE that you are beautiful and you will be so much happier. And I’ve promised myself never to judge based on looks. And I will never judge YOU. I’m always here with open arms and a shoulder to cry on if need be.

Say it out loud, right now. “I am beautiful.” with the optional ‘dammit’ at the end =)

All my Love,

~S ♥

P.S. I meant say it out LOUD. Not in your head and not mumbled under your breath. I MEAN it when I tell you to say it  ;]

My OGT.

Now, when you read the title, you were probably thinking, “Now WHAT in the world has that girl gotten herself into now?” And my answer: Nothing at all…… For the moment. OGT stands for One Good Thing. You’re supposed to have at least one One Good Thing everyday. Mine for today: I had coffee with a complete stranger. =) I know it doesn’t seem like much, but we had a pleasant conversation and her baby was adorable. =) Doing random and spontaneous things like that can change your perspective on the little things. Normally, no, I wouldn’t have gone over and talked to a total stranger over coffee. But I’m glad I did. It was one of the best conversations I’ve had in a long time.
An OGT doesn’t mean going up to strangers and talking to them, that’s not what I’m implying at all. An OGT can be something as small as watching the clouds, hanging out with friends, or just looking at a picture that made you smile. They can be by yourself, or with a group of people. OGTs can happen anytime, anywhere, and with anybody.
Now the REASON I am bothering you with my words is because I just finished the book Recovering Charles. OGTs are a common occurrence and made the book very realistic. (I highly recommend it. =] )
Yeah, short post I know, but I’m FREEZING and losing the feeling in my fingers.
Bye! Maybe I’ll write more in a while, but I may or may not have any fingers by then  ♥